Elastic Heart
by Harligh Quinn
Summary: He expects her to stop him; to push him away, tell him this is too intimate. What he doesn't expect is for her to come apart in his arms the way she does. But she does it anyway. The 100 Challenge Fic prompt fill: "We accept the love we think we deserve."


Her heart rate hadn't even settled back to a normal pace before she's moving to get up.

Normally he wouldn't try to stop her, but this is the third night in as many days that she's shown up in his tent for a quick roll in the sac before wordlessly leaving back to whence she came and his hand has already shot out to grab her arm before he can think better of it.

[He really doesn't think sometimes]

And judging by the look she gives him she's just as confused by his actions as he is. But rather than give into the slight needling in his brain that warns him not to push _this_. He's already flipping her back on the bed and removing the few scraps of clothes she managed to get on with nothing more than a mumbled

"I'm not finished yet."

Before moving down her body and situating himself between her legs.

He _expects_ her to stop him; to push him away, tell him this is too intimate. What he doesn't expect is for her to come apart in his arms the way she does.

_But she does it anyway._

* * *

She doesn't come back to his tent for two weeks after that.

He pretends it doesn't bother him.

But even the rest of the 100 notice the difference in him while he's barking out orders about patching the wall and Clarke innocently inquires what they are all thinking.

"What the hell is his _problem_ today?"

To which Jasper not-so-quietly-japes to Finn and Monty "Isn't it obvious? Bellamy seriously needs to get laid." just as Raven walks by carrying more scrap metal for the wall.

There is a slight falter in her step. As if an indictment is headed her way.

[Bellamy silently swears to himself the next time the Grounders take Jasper _he will not_ come to his rescue]

But she seems to relax when Clarke casually replies: "Well, don't look at me; I'm not going to do it."

Before dumping the scrap metal in a pile near the rest and continuing on without looking in his direction.

That night when he shows up to his tent fresh from the lake, she's already waiting for him; silently perched on his bed, half naked, as if she belongs there. And he _wants _to tell her 'no' and 'get out'. But somehow he's ends up undressed and inside of her and the only words he can manage to get out as she rides him to the edge of ecstasy are:

"Please…" and "Don't stop."

_She doesn't._

* * *

They go on.

Pushing invisible boundaries, learning each other in quiet solitudes.

They learn to show without telling.

But it's telling.

* * *

He realizes he's in over his head a few weeks later when he spots her laughing happily with Finn. Their heads are inclined toward one another and they're working together on new walkie-talkies out by the camp fire; completely oblivious to the world around them and Bellamy notes how happy they look together.

[She never looks that happy with him]

And for some reason, which Bellamy can't readily identify, that needling feeling from the other night is back –but with a vengeance.

It's not until he spies Clarke's stricken visage on the end of the campground that he understands what is happening.

The second he does it's like being splashed with a bucket of ice cold water. And the acute sense of panic that follows this revelation just cannot be explained.

All he knows is the next time he _does_ see her, he's got some half naked blond who's name he can't quite remember in his bed when she comes walking in to his tent.

[Right on schedule.]

There's a strange moment of silence that seems to drown out all of their other moments of silence between then when he barks out.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"I just—" "I—" She starts and stops. Stammering uncharacteristically before getting a hold of herself.

"It's nothing. I don't want anything from you. " Before turning to the blond and adding: "Sorry to interrupt."

_This time she's gone before he can reach out to stop her._

* * *

Octavia is worried.

She won't stop hovering. And for the first time ever, he thinks, he understands what it must have been like for her growing up. Still they're not about to do a role reversal here, and he tells her as much. He IS the big brother after all.

[Sure he can't eat, can't sleep, but he's fine.]

He doesn't see much of HER anymore. Not unless it's about guns, or bombs, or war.

[These days just about everything is about war]

But at night, when he's lying in bed awake, he finds himself missing the way she'd sigh when he'd sink into her. Or bite her lip just before she's about to cum in order to stop from screaming. He misses the way she'd walk in his tent like she owned the place. Or on the nights when he'd tell her he was too tired [because he is_ really_ tired-all the time] and she'd be down and on her knees teasing him into giving her what she wants before he knew what was happening.

But even more than all of that, he misses the nights when he wore her out so completely, so thoroughly, that she'd fall asleep before she could leave. Misses the way she would curl up into him and snore softly.

[He really misses that]

He thinks about telling her that nothing happened with the blond, that he kicked her out right after SHE left. But then he thinks it won't solve his problem, because this was never about the blond anyway -not that one at least. It's always been about Finn, and HER still being in love with him.

It was never about anything else.

_Not even when she was in his arms._

* * *

The day it all snaps back in to sharp focus for him is the day he spots her with Jasper.

He's shamelessly flirting with her- or at least doing whatever his version of flirting is- and she's not deterring his advances, but rather she seems to be encouraging it.

Finn is nearby, laughing at their antics.

And he can't help but think how _wrong_ this is, because this is NOT how _this_ story is supposed to go. And he wants to tell her so. And Bellamy can't stop himself before he's already grabbing her and is pulling her away. Effectively ignoring the curious stares from the others and her cries of "What the fuck do you think you are you doing Bellamy!" and "Let me go, dammit!" "I swear to GOD I'm going to kill you!" as he all but drags her back to his tent.

The absolute fury burning in her eyes is unlike anything he's ever seen and it shocks him how much he's missed seeing it as she grits out between clenched teeth.

"Give me _one reason_ why I shouldn't_ lay you_ _out_ where you stand."

[Embarrassingly, blood is already rushing south at the insinuation even though he knows that's not what she means. It frustrates him even more.]

_"BECAUSE DAMMIT!"_

He bellows nonsensically before he can come up with a valid reason. Then more quietly, the actual reason slips out between his teeth before he can swallow it.

"It's not right, to lead someone on, when you're still in love with someone else."

The silence that follows is telling as she reels back; eyes full of disgust and something else which he hasn't quite identified yet.

"You're such a fucking idiot; you know that."

Is all she manages to choke out before pushing past him to rejoin the others.

_He knows._

* * *

"I should have known."

Is all Octavia can say when she sees him next, keeping watch by the wall. It makes his face burn hot with indignation when he thinks of what the others must be saying.

[You're such a fucking idiot.]

He can't get the sound of her voice out of his head. It plays on repeat, but somehow he manages to keep up the pretense.

"There's nothing to know."

But Octavia see's through it. Naturally. She can never leave well enough alone.

"You always do this Bellamy, you keep people at arm's length and are surprised when they walk away."

He wants to argue. He wants to scream really. But instead he bites his tongue until he can think of something to say that isn't scathing.

_"Why?"_

He doesn't mean for his voice to sound as broken as it does. But Octavia doesn't fault him for it. Instead she shrugs and answers simply.

_"We accept the love we think we deserve."_

* * *

She's just walking through her tent when she spots him sitting quietly on her bed.

He waits for her to throw him out.

**_She doesn't._**


End file.
